Chasing The Ghost of Skinny


Running on the treadmill trying to get rid of the fat I was tired of my fat legs and muffin top. I was bombarded with images of women that had no curves like me. It seemed as if I was chasing after someone or maybe something on this treadmill. I was beginning to wonder if I was becoming fit to be healthy or becoming fit to get rid of the fat. I was tired of my roller coaster behavior when it came to plaguing allegiance to exercise. To be honest, I am literally burnt out. Who was I kidding? This sweat dripping on me was tiresome I just wanted to be skinny. However, chasing skinny was not worth my sanity!

Have you ever felt like your fitness journey was endless and reaching your goal was impossible? Well, if you shook your head yes while reading this I definitely can relate to you. Last year, I was consumed with so much stress that once I came back from my summer adventures I had no motivation to workout. I did not understand why but then I realized there was a mental block. I needed to get to the root of why there was absolutely no motivation to exercise.

I finally got the answer after being honest with myself; I was chasing the ghost of skinny. When I was in my 20’s I ate what I want and worked out three time s a week due to military standards. However, I was no longer in my 20’s and definitely did not have a mandatory routine regiment.  My workout journey was solely dependent upon my own motivation.
I decided that I needed to be happy with where I was physically and find solutions on how to embrace my new body at 35. In reality, I needed to stop looking at old pictures of myself. I was no longer that girl, it was necessary to embrace the woman I had become. 

Six months later, I made the choice to renew my relationship with myself. My exercise journey was more of a mental stigma I had to confront. Whether I am 145lbs or 160lbs I understood I have to be happy with myself at every stage. I can either make strides and celebrate my small fitness milestones or continue to chase the ghost of skinny.

In the end you cannot fully be happy with your fitness journey until you learn to embrace where you are at this very moment. Every part of your fitness journey is a step in the right direction. So celebrate yourself, embrace your curves & have fun in your fitness journey!

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