The reality of life is everyone will not accept you, love you, respect you or want to see you succeed but those people really never matter in the first place. However, people who have no self love for themselves will always be jealous of someone else success. They will always be in competition with someone who is living the life they are not brave enough to live. The type of people I am describing can be better identified as haters. Haters are people who talk more about who you are than CNN. They spend their days and nights with you on their mind wondering when you will fall from your pedestal. However, they are never aware that they are the ones who built your pedestal. They are the reason you are shining bright like a diamond because their haterism gives you motivation to continue to do what you do so well. I have also experienced haterism on many occasions in my life I recently encountered it on my job. The hater plotted to defame my character however, just like the yeast in bread I still continue to rise above the hate. Hate hurts but it only hurts the person who decide to operate in it. I am learning that if people do not like me I am doing something right. In order to be effective in life we have to be brave enough, confident enough and authentic enough to ruffle some feathers. As an ex-people pleaser I lived my life to please everyone while making myself miserable. As I continue to grow through the process of becoming a more authentic me and putting myself as a first priority I realized that more people will show haterism. In spite, of negativity I am understanding the importance of loving everyone, forgiving and moving forward. I believe everyone needs a job even the haters because if not they would be unemployed. Haters make the world a more successful place because without them we would have no reason to work harder. Confidence in yourself will offend those who have no self-confidence or self-love which creates the ugly monster of jealousy. If you want to rise above the ordinary people in order to be extraordinary you have to be willing to go after what you really desire and be true to who you are no matter what other people may think. Everyone will have an opinion of who they think you are but when you know who you are and whose you are their opinions never matter. So I encourage you as I encourage myself, respect your haters with a smile. Kindness is the best weapon for those who hate you for being the “AWESOME” person you are…..So baby shine so bright so the whole world can see you!
We live in a society where everyone wants to blend in just to fit in a box. The box implements boundaries and limitations that decrease the level of originality. No one wants to be different because of the paralyzing fear of being rejected. Rejection is the sore that festers from hurt and pain inflicted by others. However, rejection is a part of life and it is the climax of growth. No one who ever strives to be great dodged the bullets of rejection. Rejection is not something you want to embrace but it is a lesson that is worth exploring. Society teaches us the game of being mediocre instead of reaching higher. Mediocre people do not mind blending in and doing just enough to get by day to day. However, mediocrity can cause you to slip and slide into a world of regret and complacency. Mediocrity will keep you stagnant or stale where mold will destroy your creativity, your dreams, your tenacity and much more. People who want more out of life never get caught in the box of mediocrity instead they become busy creating their own path to success. If you fear success then you will never have the motivation to succeed. Failure is the catalyst of learning how to succeed. We never really understand that failure fuels us to have faith to go the extra mile. Do not let circumstances, stigmas, rules or limitations stop you from reaching your full potential. The world will use tactics to stop you from accomplishing all the things that you need to do in life in order to fulfill your God given destiny. It is important you strive to rewrite your script and get back in the driver’s seat of your life. Many times we allow others opinions, ideas and experiences define our own life path. Therefore we have to learn how to blend out. Blending in has become socially acceptable for those who have no ambition to grow higher and move forward. Blending out is about having the courage to speak your truth, stand up for what you believe in, and being honest with yourself. Deception is a silent killer that robs you of your authentic moments in life. The only way to walk in truth is by embracing the person you really are within. Below I will give a couple of tips on how you can be more effective of blending out.
Tips To Blend Out
1) People Pleasing is Overrated. If you are living your life to please others please understand you are doing yourself a great disservice. No one will every truly appreciate you for who you are if you live to make them happy. You will lose your self worth, self love and most of all self respect. Live to please God and yourself.
2) Happiness is momentarily but joy is everlasting. Everyone is on the road to happiness but happiness is just for a moment. You have to make it up in your mind no matter what comes you way you will be content and joyful.
3) Becoming Authentic. You cannot discuss authenticity until you first go through the journey of how to be authentic. Everyone use the word authentic but I wonder if they really understand the significance of the word. Blending out is knowing who you are and becoming your true self. Authenticity is the key to this life journey.
4) Self Fulfillment. We live in a world where it is taught that putting yourself first is wrong but if we are striving to blend out you have to learn to figure out what makes you happy, what are you passionate about and make your dreams happen. Self fulfillment is part of taking the time to get to know what fulfills you and gives you passion.
5) One Of A Kind. A person who dares to dance to their own rhythm becomes the creator of understanding what makes them unique. When you embrace your unique quality God can use this to change the world. Stay in your lane, expand it and continue to create opportunities instead of waiting on opportunities.
Never be scared to blend out, blending out is the adrenaline you will find on the road to becoming free and becoming you!
A couple years ago India Arie came out with a song entitled “I Am Not My Hair” which is a song I can embrace and relate to as a woman. My hair was never something I used to define who I am as a person. Whether my hair was short, long, weave, curly, straight or natural my hair is a form of expression not a form of who I am. I wonder why in the African American community we put so much emphasis on our hair and attach it to who we are as women. Recently I had a discussion with a lady that was natural and she was trying to convince me about going natural. I told her I am happy with the way my hair is now. I express to her that my hair does not define me it is just an extension of how I express myself. I believe going natural has nothing to do with a movement but should be something you want to do because it is an extension of expression. As a woman we express ourselves through our hair whether the woman is African American, Caucasian, Chinese or another race our hair is what we use to transition through our moods or changes in life. I believe my short hair is not a definition of who I am but it is my expression of my authentic self at that moment. I have came to understand that if we learn not to be attached to things such as hair we can truly be free within ourselves. I love my short relaxed hair but when I want something new I may add extensions to it or even become bald headed. It is our role as women to teach our young daughters that hair does not make you or break you but it has the ability to grow back. Women who choose to go natural I encourage you to do this for yourself not to be part of a movement. In 1980 black women wore their hair natural as well in the 1960s when Afros were a big trend. I am convinced that just like any other trend being natural is just another trend or fad that will die out until another one is birthed. I remember when Solange Knowles stepped away from being a representative for Carol’s Daughter she simply stated for Lurve Magazine, ““I was constantly fighting for the right message to be heard. The message that the way we wear our hair is a personal choice, there’s no right or wrong way.” I simply agree with Solange there is no right or wrong way to wear your hair. Your hair is an extension of expression. We have the freedom to rock our hair the way we want when we want to as women. So now I encourage you to not be defined by hair, clothes or other things that keep you in a box. Be true to who you are by breaking the box that society tries to squash you into. I am not my hair, I am not my clothes, I am not what society says I should be I just choose to be my authentic self.
Until next time…Live Bold, Live Loud & Live Authentically!
Clutch Magazine (2012). Solange Knowles on Leaving Carol’s Daughter and Addressing Her Natural Critics. Retrieved on July 13,2013 from http://www.clutchmagonline.com/2012/09/solange-knowles-on-leaving-carols-daughter-and-addressing-her-natural-hair-critics/