Wow, I can’t believe next week Sunday is my birthday. My 30’s journey has been a beautiful evolution of “self”. I have been able to spend the years of my thirties facing issues of my past, closing the door to my past, making intentional changes to my life and most of all becoming the woman I desire to be.
As a single mom I have endured many hardships and personal setbacks but my 30’s have been my years of reflection, refreshing, starting over again and creating the life I desire.
I have become comfortable in my own skin. I love the woman I have evolved into at this point in my life. However, I know the journey is a continuous process. I am excited about my future ahead.
Since, I am commemorating the last year of my 30’s, I am sharing 39 lessons with you I learned during my 30’s journey.
Here are the 39 lessons I learned in my 30’s:
1. Confidence. Confidence is something that starts within & it is something you work on everyday.
2. No validation needed. You are grown,stop asking for permission.
3. No is a complete sentence. Stop explaining yourself.
4. Mind your own business. It never matters what others are doing. Stay focused on your life.
5. No deprivation. Stop depriving yourself of the things you love & desire.
6. Know Your Worth. You have to know your worth to know what you deserve then you will stop giving discounts to people who undermine your quality.
7. Self-care is important. Self-care is about preservation. You have to put it into practice for all areas of your life (mental, emotional, financial, physical & spiritual).
8. Trust God.
9. Get out your own way.
10. Ask for help.
11. Be gentle with yourself you are doing the best you can.
12. Stop procrastinating.
13. Do it afraid.
14. Get out your comfort zone.
15. Be your own best friend.
16. Speak up. You have a voice use it.
17. Stop chasing. You don’t have to chase a man, friends, people or dreams. All the things meant for you will come at the right time.
18. Travel somewhere new.
19. Date yourself.
20. Believe in yourself.
21. Do what is best for you.
22. Be unapologetic about your greatness.
22. Set boundaries.
23. Spend time with those that celebrate you not tolerate you.
24. Celebrate yourself.
25. Be patience.
26. Saunter through life.
27. Let things flow.
28. Detach yourself from the outcome.
29. Stop the comparison. When you learn to value your life you will feel no need to compare your life to others.
30. Have faith.
31. Smile often, Laugh more.
32. Have fun. Include more bliss, pleasure & enjoyment in your life.
33. Be ok with not being ok.
34. Be vulnerable.
35. Live life. Don’t just exist live your life alive.
36. Reinvent yourself.
38. Pursue your dreams. No matter how old you are you can always pursue the things you desire.
39. Be limitless. Don’t put limitations on your life.
At the end of 2017, I learned a valuable lesson concerning the complexity of life. The lesson taught me to embrace all the things life has to offer. It is easy for us to celebrate the good things but can we rejoice in tribulation.
Everything we endure in life is meant to help us grow and expand our horizon. True, sometimes the difficult times make it hard to celebrate. But when life brings unexpected moments we have to realize the messy parts make life interesting.
The messy parts challenge us to see our lives as a perfect masterpiece curated by God. As our lives are designed by every path we begin to understand that it is an adventure.
Life’s adventures gives us the passion to experience each moment. Instead of rushing through the moments we start to saunter. Sauntering ignites self-awareness; being present in the moment. When we are totally present our senses become alive.
Whether good or bad life is an adventure worth experiencing. Without the experiences life beomes mundane. So, if your life seems hopeless right now just remember your next adventure is waiting. All you have to do is embrace it and enjoy the ride!
In a world full of people pleasers it is refreshing to be yourself. When you choose to be yourself magic happens in your life. You no longer settle for mediocrity but you embrace the extraordinary. It will ignite a spark in you to do life in a different way.
Fireworks are created when you no longer follow the crowd but decide to become the life of your own party. When you choose to walk in your power everyone will not accept you. However, learning to be you bravely takes courage.
In this journey you will understand that everyone will not get an invitation to the party of your life. The people you use to entertain will no longer get a seat to the table. You will gravitate towards people who empower, inspire and encourage you. They will be the ones who become your tribe because you deserve a life filled with those celebrating your existence.
So, today I encourage you to reevaluate the people you have seating at the table of your life. Ask yourself this, “Is this person celebrating me or tolerating me?” You deserve the support, love and joy you give freely to everyone else.
Would love to hear your thoughts so chime in below!
In a small remote corner I sit listening to quietness as I begin to collect my thoughts to write this post. I was thirsty to write for the last couple of days but it seems as if distractions would get in my way. So, today I finally committed to writing a post before 2014 slips quietly in the background. Every year I plan my New Year’s Eve getaway with my daughter but this year I find myself in a holding pattern simply resting for this New Year’s Eve festive. My daughter was not happy that we were going to be staying home this year.
However, I always spend my life chasing the next adventure. It seems fitting to sit still and bring in the new year in a meditative state. I enjoy traveling yet if I am always moving how can I began to hear God’s plans for my life. This year I am going to be vegging out with a friend and watching movies while our kids enjoy each other company. I even suggested to my friend that we could write our future self a letter declaring our greatness for the year ahead. I believe this will cultivate a new beginning for our lives.
Many people are declaring 2015 is their year but I am fed up with the clichés and just want to produce results in 2015. We constantly make vision boards year after year but refuse to change our mindsets. We fail to realize if our mind is not made up to live different or experience anything new then every year will be the same until we change our mind. In order for 2015 to be a new year it will be important to renew your mindset. I believe writing a letter to my future self will start 2015 in a forward motion. Whatever, your ritual or holiday tradition is to bring in the New Year I challenge you to take a couple hours to clear your mind and become intentional about creating the life you want for 2015. As you become intentional make plans to follow through with completing them to make 2015 the best year of your life!
Dreams can sometimes be dreams if we never dare to make them an oblique reality. We can talk about what we desire to do but if there is never an action then it becomes words filled with hot air. I often believe people I truly scared to live life fearlessly because what they dream might really come true. I realized for myself the act of thinking bigger and dreaming bigger is motivated by putting action forth and making the dream patterns in my mental thoughts a tangible reality.
Dreams are only tangible when you can actually see the manifestation of you working hard to make them visible. I can honestly say I am a dreamer and dream to produce many things in my life but last year I wanted to take more time to invest in my dreams. In 2013, I was struck with the reality of realizing how much I do not invest in my gift of writing. I decided to spend time researching writing workshops to take my writing to another dimension. While I spent time researching an “aha” moment hit me, I always wanted to write, live and move to Paris so I needed to attend a writing workshop in Paris. I was excited, motivated and inspired to live my dream to write in Paris.
I have such a love affair with Paris, I am truly in love with the city of lights. As I began my research I stumbled across different websites but one website intrigued me, Paris Café Writing. Paris Café Writing is a week long workshop conducted by Patricia Tennison. Mrs. Tennison is a renown author, college professor and writer of the Chicago Tribune. I called Patricia to ask a couple of questions about the workshop after the phone call I decided to put both of my passions together; my love for writing and my love for Paris. I was going to spend a week in Paris to write.
I am excited about the progression of my decision to move forward with pursuing my dream. This summer I will be attending one of her summer workshops during the week of my 35th birthday to write, to muse and to immerse myself in Paris. Paris has been a long life dream for me and now with courage I am pursuing my heart’s desire. In life we often get stuck because we allow fear to hold us back.
Fear held me captive for several years after my two year old daughter died. Today marks seven years since she left this Earth but the joy in this story is that it changed me to become an authentic woman. I have experienced many things in my life but learning to live life without limits has been my defining moment. So, as I venture off to Paris this summer I challenge you to not only think big or dream big but to make your dreams a reality. Dreams are meant be lived out loud so what are you waiting for….
I decided to take a whole year from October 1st 2013 to Oct 1st 2014 to focus on celebrating myself holistically. I realize as women we do not celebrate our accomplishments enough while we cater to so many other people we have to choose to cater to ourselves. I believe we lose sight of who we are because we put ourselves on the backburner supporting everyone else dreams. In this year I will celebrate who I am to the fullest. I am honored and excited to be in the November 2013 issue of Essence Magazine on pg. 14 defining my thoughts on black beauty. Get your copy today!