The End of An Era……

The End of An Era

Wow, I can’t believe next week Sunday is my birthday. My 30’s journey has been a beautiful evolution of “self”. I have been able to spend the years of my thirties facing issues of my past, closing the door to my past, making intentional changes to my life and most of all becoming the woman I desire to be.

As a single mom I have endured many hardships and personal setbacks but my 30’s have been my years of reflection, refreshing, starting over again and creating the life I desire.

I have become comfortable in my own skin. I love the woman I have evolved into at this point in my life. However, I know the journey is a continuous process. I am excited about my future ahead.

Since, I am commemorating the last year of my 30’s, I am sharing 39 lessons with you I learned during my 30’s journey.

Here are the 39 lessons I learned in my 30’s:
1. Confidence. Confidence is something that starts within & it is something you work on everyday.
2. No validation needed. You are grown,stop asking for permission.
3. No is a complete sentence. Stop explaining yourself.
4. Mind your own business. It never matters what others are doing. Stay focused on your life.
5. No deprivation. Stop depriving yourself of the things you love & desire.
6. Know Your Worth. You have to know your worth to know what you deserve then you will stop giving discounts to people who undermine your quality.
7. Self-care is important. Self-care is about preservation. You have to put it into practice for all areas of your life (mental, emotional, financial, physical & spiritual).
8. Trust God. 
9. Get out your own way.
10. Ask for help.
11. Be gentle with yourself you are doing the best you can.
12. Stop procrastinating.
13. Do it afraid.
14. Get out your comfort zone.
15. Be your own best friend.
16. Speak up. You have a voice use it.
17. Stop chasing. You don’t have to chase a man, friends, people or dreams. All the things meant for you will come at the right time.
18. Travel somewhere new. 
19. Date yourself.
20. Believe in yourself.
21. Do what is best for you.
22. Be unapologetic about your greatness.
22. Set boundaries.
23. Spend time with those that celebrate you not tolerate you.
24. Celebrate yourself.
25. Be patience.
26. Saunter through life.
27. Let things flow.
28. Detach yourself from the outcome.
29. Stop the comparison. When you learn to value your life you will feel no need to compare your life to others.
30. Have faith.
31. Smile often, Laugh more.
32. Have fun. Include more bliss, pleasure & enjoyment in your life.
33. Be ok with not being ok.
34. Be vulnerable.
35. Live life. Don’t just exist live your life alive.
36. Reinvent yourself.
37. Reflect.
38. Pursue your dreams. No matter how old you are you can always pursue the things you desire.
39. Be limitless. Don’t put limitations on your life.

Losing The Weight…..

Letting Go

When you think of the words “losing the weight” I am sure a flood of ideas come to your mind. These three words can be interpreted in various ways but, for me losing the weight has been my 2018 journey. In the last five months I have found myself lost in translation, no longer identifying with my old system of beliefs but embracing new beliefs. The things I allowed to define me no longer could fit into my new belief system.

Fear was a weight that held me back from living my best life. Once I began to lose the weight of fear I began to see my life unfold. When you allow fear to run your life you stay in a comfort zone. And you know nothing brilliant or great grows from comfort zones.

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Below is a few ideas to help you lose the weight of fear:

1. Do It AfraidIn order to face your fears you have to be brave enough to do it in the midst of your fear.

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2. Assess Your Beliefs. More than likely what you fear is not supported by truth or fact so let it go and collect new data. F.E.A.R is False Evidence Appearing Real!

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3. Feed Faith, Starve Fears. In order to weaken the hold of fear you have to be willing to starve it and feed your life with faith which creates confidence.

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4. Rock Confidence. Fear can’t reside where confidence overrides. In order to fear-less you have to believe in yourself. Confidence gives you the faith to conquer fear.

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So, which idea will you use this week to help you lose the weight of fear. Comment below in the comment section…

 

The Journey…

Journey

I can attest to the colloquialism of life that it is a journey not a destination. Life is filled with unexpected detours, stop signs, roadblocks, turning lanes and much more. However, in the midst of it all, life is an adventure. In order to live the adventure you mustn’t resist the lessons it has to offer.

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I have spent almost a decade trying to adjust to a new life since I left the military in 2008. The journey has been filled with ups and downs but it has equipped me to gain sea legs to weather the storm. I have come to the realization that life is filled with Alice and The Wonderland moments. Every time I tried to resist the ebb and flow of life I would wipe out like a person learning how to surf for the first time.

When you are open to the journey of life it will reveal serendipitous moments. These moments will lead you to your destiny. Your destiny may lead you to great adventures and opportunities. Life is not made for the person who love comfort zones instead it challenges you to get out your comfort zone. Comfort zones are security blankets that keep you stagnant.

Stagnancy leads to a life filled with no adventure, boredom, fear and lack. Lack creates a feeling of dissatisfaction which leads to discontentment. As you muddle through your journey be flexible in the ways that life will unfold.

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A Seat At The Table…

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In a world full of people pleasers it is refreshing to be yourself. When you choose to be yourself magic happens in your life. You no longer settle for mediocrity but you embrace the extraordinary. It will ignite a spark in you to do life in a different way.

Fireworks are created when you no longer follow the crowd but decide to become the life of your own party. When you choose to walk in your power everyone will not accept you. However, learning to be you bravely takes courage.

In this journey you will understand that everyone will not get an invitation to the party of your life. The people you use to entertain will no longer get a seat to the table. You will  gravitate towards people who empower, inspire and encourage you. They will be the ones who become your tribe because you deserve a life filled with those celebrating your existence.

So, today I encourage you to reevaluate the people you have seating at the table of your life. Ask yourself this, “Is this person celebrating me or tolerating me?” You deserve the support, love and joy you give freely to everyone else.

 

Would love to hear your thoughts so chime in below!

 

Cultivating A Sacred Space….

During this summer, I had time to press pause and learn to create a sacred space  for myself. In my 60 day journey I became aware of my depletion because  I was giving to others on an empty tank.  I felt like I was not enough or what I was doing was not enough. In a society where we pour out so much of our energy to our jobs, family and friends we have to create time to replenish ourselves.

In my  search for a better solution I was hit with the idea that who I am is enough. I had to give up the need for validation from outside sources. In reality, God was the only approving source I needed to accomplish everything in my life. He already approved of me so I no longer needed to ask for permission to be the woman I was meant to be.

I realized I needed to cultivate a sacred space to allow myself to be me. I had to let go of my self-sabotaging nature and embrace my freedom. When I searched for  clarity I knew I was the one getting in my own way. I had to reclaim my time, walk into my freedom and protect my space. This was the ultimate shift I needed in my life to receive all the  great things I deserved.

So, below I have three tips that can help you cultivate a sacred space to up level in your life.

1) Reclaim Your Time. In order  for you to gain clarity you have to stop what you are doing and make a u-turn. Go back to a point in your life where you felt fulfilled and then reassess what made you feel this way. Now think of a time in your life where you began to feel unfulfilled and you felt depleted. Think about what you were doing to create these feelings of emptiness. Reclaiming your time is about going back and pinpointing the day or moment you began to lose pieces of yourself.

2) Protect Your Space. You do not need to create a PSA for everyone to know every detail happening in your life. The greatest thing to do is be silent and figure out what is really meant for you to keep secrete. I am learning everything I endure is not always meant for me to share.

I find joy in creating special moments for myself without documenting them or discussing them with friends and family. This will help you keep intimate thoughts and moments to yourself. Another suggestion is buy a journal to release your thoughts, whether good or bad there will be no judgment because you have left your thoughts on paper.

3) Walk into your freedom. The greatest way to be free is to already know you are free. Create a time & space for yourself where you are free to do what you want without any other obligations.

Picking up a hobby that is fun will give you the freedom to focus on time just for you. It will allow you to create a space to let go and dive into your creativity.

How can you create a sacred space to regain your power back? And which tip will you work on this week.

Share your thoughts below in the comment section!

 

Beauty For Ashes!

to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,3and provide for those who grieve in Zion—

to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes,

the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.

                                                                         (Isaiah 61:2,3 NIV)

In the last eight years my life has been  filled with pain, loss and a lot of hellish moments. I went from living life like the Jeffersons to Good Times. I went from depending on the world as my source to understanding God is my source. I went from being religious to finding a deeper  spiritual connection with God. I went from pleasing everyone else to understanding the power of self-care. 

I had a lot of friends but, as I grew I began to downsize. I went from not recognizing my worth to knowing my worth. I went from undervaluing my gift to valuing my gift. I use to have low self-esteem now I am confident & realize what I deserve. I needed other people to validate my life now I live my life according to my own rules with God’s approval. I found myself minding everyone else business until I learned the power in minding my own business. 

Recently, this year I went through the loss of a family member. I cannot say I am fully recovered but I gave myself time to step back & heal my way. I believe in the power of rising above challenges because what you go through grows you. 

 I strive to be my true self no longer rejecting parts of myself to make other people feel comfortable. In this time in my life I am okay with the woman I am becoming.  I decided to take control of my life, be happy and  make adjustments along the way.

There are six valuable lessons I learned in my life :

1) You cannot do anything without God. If you think you can I guarantee you will be miserable. I know because I tried this method already.

2) Stop comparing yourself to others because you are you. When you start focusing on your own life you become happier and realize how blessed you really are in life. 

3) Other opinions do not matter. People have the right to express themselves anyway they want but try not to take other people opinions personal. You do not need other people to validate you. 

4) Superhero Syndrome. I use to feel like I had to save everyone and go out of my way to make sure they were okay. However, I found out it is not meant for me to save everyone. The people the Lord put in my path are the ones I am assigned too. 

5) Heal Your Way. Do not let people tell you how to grieve. Give yourself time to heal properly. It is okay not to be okay.

6) Let God In. God is a gentleman if you want him to be apart of your life He will be. He is just waiting for you to invite him in.
My life is a constant journey but in my journey the Lord has constantly gave me beauty for my life ashes.

Until Next Time Live Bold. Live Loud. Live Authentically. 

June Theme: Be Bold. Be Brave. Be Brilliant.

The kids are beginning to get out of school and the smell of summer is right around the corner. As we invite the joys of summer we also welcome our series for this month. Our June series is entitled Be Bold. Be Brave. Be Brilliant. In this series we will talk about how being brave can help you live the life you always dreamed of. We will discuss what it takes to be bold and let go of anything that weigh you down. And last but not least will talk about the importance of recognizing your brilliance and using it to create the life you desire.

Believe In Yourself!

I am often reminded of a powerful quote by Marianne Williamson (from A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles) that says: 

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

After reading this quote I realize their is power in believing in yourself. When you hear people say believe in yourself what comes to your mind? Well, when I think of this term I am reminded how important it is to have faith. Faith is essential in the process of believing in yourself & your greatness. Often we battle with insecurities and achieving great success because we do not have a belief in who & what we are. Self doubt causes us to believe we are inadequate which launches the path to fear. When fear is activated it stifles our growth and creativity. 

However, when you do not allow fear to override your faith great things begin to happen. One of the things that begin to manifest is your confidence is increased. The second thing is it teaches you not to give up on your dreams no matter how long it takes. Lastly, giving up is never an option when you allow faith to conquer the fear of your belief.

Below are 3 steps you can take to believe in yourself:

1) Faith It To You Make It! 
In Hebrews 11: 1 in the bible it says, “Now faith is the substance for things hoped for the evidence of things not seen” which literally means what you cannot see(unexpected outcome you cannot visualize). If you begin to have faith in yourself & believe in your success then it can be accomplished. Put faith in practice! 

2) Get Turnt Up! 
In today’s millennial world we are endlessly unhappy about everything instead of being grateful for all things. If you learn to be grateful for all that you are then you can appreciate yourself. The best way to appreciate yourself is by celebrating all that you are. If you wait on others you will be disappointed so “get turnt up” on who you are!  

3) Walk It Out!
The road is long to any journey but as you are on your journey of self-discovery & increasing your self esteem remember to take the time to pause. Rome was not built in a day so as you walk out your fear, anxiety or frustrations just remember you are an imperfect masterpiece! 

So take the time to believe in all that you were created to be…..Simply Believe In Yourself!


Beauty Has No Face!

In a society where we place a shape, color, size, and name to beauty it has distorted the self-esteem of many women in the world. As I become more of an ambassador for my own personal beauty I realize beauty does not have a specific appearance. Beauty has to be defined on our own terms not by the majority in America. When I think of beauty I began to think of the eclectic style of Erkyah Badu, Solange Knowles and Rihanna . These women have set their own standard of what beauty feels like and look like to them. It feels amazing to go through a journey to find what fits me as a woman because in this journey I am finding my beauty. Many African American girls struggle with the idea that their dark skin, dark hair is not beautiful because they are faced with the idea that pale skin and blue eyes are the ideal beauty. White women struggle with the illusion of being curvy is considered to be fat when curves are the epitome of womanhood, the gratitude of beauty.

Beauty has no name, shape, size, color or texture however it is the hidden secret of what a woman holds inside. When we can tap into our own inner beauty then we can unlock a glow that can radiant externally. I look at women such as Lupita Nygon’o who has been such an inspiration for women of color because she has broken the barriers of what beauty could be if we look beyond the surface. We are raised in a society where it is encouraged to change the way we look to be accepted by the world but God created us in his image; perfect. In the May issue of Essence Magazine Solange Knowles stated, “As women we have the choice of how we want to look and how we want to feel and that’s the beauty of being a woman.” We should not allow society to have a voice on how we look, feel or define our beauty. Many women deal with low self-esteem because what they see in magazines. However, Beyonce Knowles song Pretty Hurts discuss the standards society places on our beauty but we have to be willing to understand beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder. It is time for us to look in the mirror and remove the mask of the wrong self-image of who we are to kindly replace it with an image of how we define beauty. Beauty has no face it is truly established by what we say, see and speak about ourselves. Let us strive to replace our negative views with positive affirmations of our own personal beauty because in the end beauty truly has no face!

Reference:

Essence Magazine May Issue
Picture reference: www.searchquotes.com

Dreams Are Meant To Be Lived Out Loud!

Dreams can sometimes be dreams if we never dare to make them an oblique reality. We can talk about what we desire to do but if there is never an action then it becomes words filled with hot air. I often believe people I truly scared to live life fearlessly because what they dream might really come true. I realized for myself the act of thinking bigger and dreaming bigger is motivated by putting action forth and making the dream patterns in my mental thoughts a tangible reality. 

Dreams are only tangible when you can actually see the manifestation of you working hard to make them visible. I can honestly say I am a dreamer and dream to produce many things in my life but last year I wanted to take more time to invest in my dreams. In 2013, I was struck with the reality of realizing how much I do not invest in my gift of writing. I decided to spend time researching writing workshops to take my writing to another dimension. While I spent time researching an “aha” moment hit me, I always wanted to write, live and move to Paris so I needed to attend a writing workshop in Paris. I was excited, motivated and inspired to live my dream to write in Paris. 

I have such a love affair with Paris, I am truly in love with the city of lights. As I began my research I stumbled across different websites but one website intrigued me, Paris Café Writing. Paris Café Writing is a week long workshop conducted by Patricia Tennison. Mrs. Tennison is a renown author, college professor and  writer of the Chicago Tribune. I called Patricia to ask a couple of questions about the workshop after the phone call I decided  to put both of my passions together; my love for writing and my love for Paris. I was going to spend a week in Paris to write.
I am excited about the progression of my decision to move forward with pursuing my dream. This summer I will be attending one of her summer workshops during the week of my 35th birthday to write, to muse and to immerse myself in Paris. Paris has been a long life dream for me and now with courage I am pursuing my heart’s desire. In life we often get stuck because we allow fear to hold us back. 

Fear held me captive for several years after my two year old daughter died. Today marks seven years since she left this Earth but the joy in this story is that it changed me to become an authentic woman. I have experienced many things in my life but learning to live life without limits has been my defining moment. So, as I venture off to Paris this summer I challenge you to not only think big or dream big but to make your dreams a reality. Dreams are meant be lived out loud so what are you waiting for….