Letting go of that, “I Am Not Enough”…ish

Access this podcast episode here: https://youtu.be/U7iAi_LDyHs

What do you currently believe about yourself and who you are in this moment? Do you feel like you are lacking in some areas when it comes to your personality?

If you answered YES to any of the above questions, don’t feel ashamed, I think we all believed in the lie of not being enough. The plague of not feeling enough has haunted me throughout my life. I would constantly recycle negative self-talk, abusive words from others, and societal standards. However, as I began to uncover this faulty belief system about myself, I realize the root of it all stemmed from low self-esteem, low self-confidence, and other underlining issues.

In 2011, I went on an inner journey of self-exploration and self-discovery to confront dysfunctional beliefs about myself and my life. And what I found was a wounded young lady who needed to know that her past didn’t define her worth. It has been ten years since the journey has helped me evolve into a confident, self-assured woman where the notion of not being enough is no longer a part of my storyline. 

The truth is that we all are enough in this world, and when we start believing in this idea, we can live a more fulfilled life. When you accept the idea that you lack something within, you run the risk of living a suppressed life. With a suppress mindset, we eventually generate the chase concept; you will chase people, dreams, goals, money, success, etc. to feel accepted and validated by external forces.

When you begin to know who you are and your worth, you become a threat to those who lavish in their insecurities. You must confront your insecurities every day (because it is a daily thing). And to be clear, it is okay to have insecurities because they make us imperfect and vulnerable. Insecurities become ugly when we lash out or use hurtful words against others.

Below are three ways you can say bye bye to the belief of not enough.

  • Let Go. Say Au revoir to anybody or anything that make you feel like you are too much.
  • Dig Deep. Uncover all the crazy beliefs that has hindered your self-worth story.
  • Heal. Allow yourself a time to heal from the past of unforgiveness (forgive yourself), trauma and anything that has kept you hostage to the lie of not being enough .

You Deserve Love!

Often times people never embrace love because they believe they never deserve it. ~Stylicia~
It has been a little while since I have written on my blog however, life can sometimes be consuming but in my consumed state growth was happening. I learned some important life lessons that have challenged me and made me a better woman. In the last five months I have noticed a difference  in myself and recognize the woman I am becoming daily. I realize in my growth process I was confronted with the issue of learning to no longer be scared of love. For so long I have been accustomed to dodging love, making excuses and believing I did not deserve to be loved. I spent many years believing I was not worthy of someone loving me because of my imperfections. Every romantic relationship I had ended up with me being alone; this was never the picture I painted or fantasized about. However, this year I got tired of doing love my way and told God I would give my love life and dating life over to him. I made a decision to focus more on my dreams and aspirations to live my life more abundantly. I am a firm believer you can have it all the career, the man and the prosperity but it will mean patience is defintely required for the journey. Once I made a decision to stop looking for love and let love find me I became a happier soul. In my journey of living life abundantly I realized today I was no longer scared to love, the fear of love was no longer a fear. I was no longer scared to be transparent or vulnerable and love the man that will be compatible for me.
I had to learn the truth about the power of loving myself unconditionally. When you understand that love is attracted to you because it is who you are then love will not be hard to attract. As the months slip by in 2013 I am becoming more aware of how beautiful love is and can be. As a woman I have learned the secret of attracting love from a man is learning to love yourself and treat yourself with respect and unconditional love. I never felt like love was as close to me as it is now in my life. I understand who is the ultimate source of love—God. God is love. Love is fulfilling and incredible when you understand its power, its virtue and how much you deserve love. I started to affirm myself by being aware of how much I needed to love myself before anyone else could love me. Today, I challenge you to look at love differently and challenge your love walk for yourself. Do you love you for all of who you are..whether good or bad? What are the negative things you are saying to yourself about love? Do you fear love? If you answered Yes to any of these questions today is the day you tell yourself “I Deserve Love”. It’s time to break up with the false fearful image of love and affirm to yourself boldly: “I am love, I deserve love, I will not rush, force, manipulate or be deseparate or needy for love. I will be patient with love and prepare myself for love by loving myself first.” The best example of love is godly love when Jesus died on the cross for you. Understand love is patient, kind, and all other things 1 Corinthians chapter 13 discusses. It is time for you to get a better realtionship with love by understanding you deserve to be loved.
Love Yourself First Then Love Can Love On You…..
Personal Challenge: Write Yourself a love letter!

Authentic Fridays Guest Blogger: Lanira Postell (Taking A Stand)

Taking a Stand

           Although Christians are followers of a perfect being, we are anything but without blemishes. The body of Christ is divided in many ways. An example of this division is the Bible thumpers vs. the Bible holders.

           Today I was on my way to rehearse a scene with my crew. On the way up the slopes to my class I passed a crowd of students. The students were standing in front of a platform in which a few middle aged males held large signs that read, “Repent of your sins. Jesus saves you from hell” or “Adulators, homosexuals, and fornicators will all burn in hell” as I saw the scene I rolled my eyes and went to rehearsal. I have seen these men semester after semester stand on platforms and condemn people to a hell that they think they created. Every semester the reaction to this display worsens.

           After my rehearsal I went to my Queer Identities class where we learned about transgender people and the obstacles that they face in the American society. One study in 2011 showed that the life expectancy of a trans woman was 23. This expectancy is low due to murders and suicide. After my favorite class I left my queer mates and proceeded to go to my next class, but I never made it. The crowd had worsened. I saw a familiar classmate and sister in Christ and I went to her to ask about what happened. She explained that things had gotten out of hand. I could see the terror on her face. She said that the men with the signs were yelling at people and that there were Christian students battling it with other Christians because they did not agree with the way the men were witnessing to non-believers. I explained to her that every semester the crowd reacts worse and worse to this “witnessing” and that I had never seen it this bad. There were students behind the men holding up their own signs that said things from “God loves all” to “Go Falcons!” My classmate left with her jaw pulling from the ground. I stayed.

           I was at ease about the situation because I had seen it before but something was different. Then I saw it. A young lady from the crowd parted through the middle to the stage with a rainbow flag draped over her. She received applause from her family. At that point I knew I couldn’t leave. I went over to a table behind the crowd for support and I watched.  My fellow classmate from my Queer Identities class was one of the individuals that gathered around the rainbow flag and a trans woman cheered and everyone applauded as they battled it out against the radical Christians. I leaned against the table with clenched jaws. It was painful to watch the people that I love: my fellow sisters and brothers in Christ and my queer family act this way towards one another. Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore.

           The library is a few feet across from the platform. I went inside and logged in on a computer. It was time to make my own sign. Before I began to type I said a prayer asking that God’s will be done.  My sign read,

I once was a lesbian.
God had a different plan.
Jeremiah 29:11
New International Version (NIV)
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

I printed it and headed back out to the crowd. I walked directly onto the platform and held my sign high over my head with both hands. I moved it from side to side slowly so that people could read it. My font was small so the crowd had to deliberately look at it to read what it said. A young lady asked me,

“So you’re not a lesbian anymore?”

I said, “No, but I’m not straight either.”

“What do you think God’s plan for you is?”

“To submit my life to him because I was comfortable doing my own thing. I’m still attracted to women and I might always be but I had to submit to His Will. When I did that, He didn’t change me to be heterosexual; He changed me so that I could be holy. Everyone has to suffer something for Christ, whether it is adultery or fornication, we all have to give up something for Christ and my suffering just happens to be lesbianism.”

Seemingly satisfied with my responses she hid in the crowd and I continued to display my sign. My queer family had already moved from the stage to the crowd and they were grouped together holding a sign that promoted the upcoming drag show. When my classmate from my Queer Identities class read my sign his reaction was humorous. Or perhaps he found me humorous. But I just looked at him and smiled because I had nothing but love to share. On the platform with me one of the men were calling my family out, saying that,

“Your behavior is the exact reason why your city, Sodom and Gomorrah were burned down.”

I didn’t approve of his words. I tried to get his attention and a couple of the people on the platform with me tried to get him to look my way. Finally I got him to glance at my sign. At first he glanced and then rolled his eyes and turned away. Something on my sign caused him to go back and read again and then say,

“Well amen to that.”

I said, “It’s all about love.”

“It’s about repentance.”

“Love is first. Love is first.”

           He began to yell at the crowd again and I raised my sign as high as I could. After a few minutes my arms felt tired and I realized I had accomplished all that I would. I brought my sign down and put it in my Queer Identities binder. I slowly put it into my bag as I watched two girls jump down the throat of the man I had interacted with. One of the students was saying that he is an embarrassment to her religion. She said that what he was doing was not helping anyone but hurting everyone. I could see the tears in her eyes that didn’t take form. The other student was saying that Jesus came to save us so why does this man judge them. I’m not sure why but she began to expose her breasts and the man on the platform put his hand up to block his view of her chest. After seeing that I really had to go. I grabbed my bag. An Asian student asked me,

“Are you about to leave?”

“Yes,” I said. “Do you want to get up here?”

She nodded. I saw the sign in her hand; the words said that God loves everyone.

“That was good of you. That was really brave what you did.”

“Thank you, I really appreciate that.”

           I parted the crowd and didn’t stop until I reached the shuttle stop to take me to my apartment. I called my best friend to tell her what just happened. How Christians were against Christians and gays and non-believers and how it was all saddening. I told her how I took a stand for the first time in my life about what God has been doing in me. I told her that there were no friends of mine in the crowd but there were a handful of people who knew my face or knew of me. That didn’t matter. I felt I had to do something and I did it. I know that it wasn’t in vain. I know that at least people know that God does truly save, if you allow Him to.