Refueling Your Joy

Access this podcast episode here: https://tinyurl.com/4pf9xjkp

Often in life, we will encounter difficult moments that will take us off course and knock us out of the game. However, in the low moments, you can take this time to reflect and give yourself time to process through the heartache or heartbreaks of life.

In America, we are condition to believe that it is our doing and constantly moving that keeps us going, but in our stillness, we can allow our joy to be refreshed, our minds to gain clarity, and our souls to be renewed. Recently, I realize all the difficult moments that transpired in my life this month indicated how much I needed to slow down. The fiery darts of life wounded my joy, and I know spending time to heal, process, and regain my happiness is paramount. I am giving myself permission to have self-compassion, revel in my humanness and unplug.

The greatest lesson I have learned this month is no matter how strong you are, give yourself time to process the losses, pain, and irritations of life. Moving forward doesn’t always look like being in a mindset of doing something, but laying down and processing is a part of the journey.

Below I created a couple concepts that will help you regain your peace of mind and refuel your joy for the better.

  • Unplug. Take time to reflect, heal & recharge from the difficult moments.
  • Make a joy list. Make a list of all the things that spark your joy and make you feel alive.
  • Be Transparent. Be real about how you feel (decipher your emotions by journaling, therapy, talking to someone close to you, etc.).
  • Give Yourself Time. Take it slow & don’t allow anything or anyone to rush your healing process.

Self Care Essentials: Finding Your Zen…

Self-Care Essentials.... (1)

“What you seek is seeking you.” ~Rumi

In the last month or so my life has been filled with the unknown, I have found myself looking for answers in this unfamiliar place. However, I have learned the answers lie in between the moments of letting go. This entire year I learned the importance of letting go and detachment from things I can’t control. When I let go there is a moment of peace that comes with detaching myself from the outcome. I have learned to be more in tune with my mind, heart and soul.

These moments of zen have taught me the importance of releasing the struggle and embracing the ease. I have spent my entire life in survival mode, trying to stay afloat so the pressures of life would not overtake me. As I was struggling to stay afloat  I found myself drowning from the pressure of trying to keep it all together. I realize now that this facade kept me from becoming free, free from thriving to my fullest potential.

However, when I decided to stop fighting the flow of life things began to fall into place. I was able see things more clearly and implement self-care into my life. Self-care has taught me how to be present in the moment. It has also taught me how to be still, let go and flow in uncomfortable situations. Self-care has been a great teacher in showing me how to reconnect with my true essence.

So, below I have listed self-care essentials to help you find your zen and tap into the peace of mind you deserve.

1.Tea, Anyone? : Green tea and other teas have been linked to having many health benefits. I often drink tea to calm myself when I feel overwhelmed and full of anxiety. My favorite tea is Yogi Tea, this tea has a variety of teas that you can choose from to suit your needs. I often use the bedtime and ginger tea. Another great benefit is they add inspirational quotes on the tea bag label.

2. Candles: Candles can reduce your stress by adding some aromatherapy to your day. Here is a list of the best organic candles on the market Organic Candles

3. Music: Music is a great way to cultivate some calm in your everyday life. BMG Channel on YouTube is a great channel to listen to it has a variety of music for studying, relaxing etc.

4. Whoosah: Meditation is a great way to bring calm into your mind. The Calm App is an app I have used for years. It has various programs to help you get into your calm.

5. Selah: Taking time to hit pause in your life is a way to stop and listen to your inner self. Pause help you clear the noise, clear the clutter & reconnect with yourself.

So, which self-care essential will you use this holiday season ?, share your thoughts in the comment section!

Creating A Life You Love…

I spent years playing the game of comparison wishing my life would magically change. I was not aware of the fact that I had the power to change my life. The choice lied within one simple decision that I needed to make. 

Below is a list of ways you can create the life you love.

1. Be grateful.

2. Create a routine.

3. Break your routine.

4. Write down your goals.

5. Write down your dreams.

6. Be intentional.

7. Make a list of what you love to do.

8. Start doing what you love.

9. Be fearless.

10. Be kind.

11. Love more.

12. Be spontaneous.

13. Make yourself a priority.

14. Implement a self-care routine.

15. Be productive not busy.

16. Meditate.

17. Pray.

18. Read more.

19. Smile more.

20. Look for serendipitous moments.

21. Be confident.

22. Spend money on things you love.

23. Make new friends.

24. Spend time with your loved ones.

25. Celebrate your life.

26. Say No often.

27. Don’t  explain yourself to others.

28. Stop seeking validation.

29. Mind your own business.

30. Cultivate a sacred space for yourself.

31. Be mysterious.

32. Travel more.

33. Laugh Often.

34. Delete some people & things in your life.

35. Add some things & people in your life.


 

 

October Theme: Healing, wHoleness & Happiness!

The month of October has came in with a bang and so has our theme for this month. In this month our theme is Healing, wHoleness & Happiness. We will discuss the importance of taking your time to heal, how healing creates a sense of wholeness & why healing is connected to your life happiness.

The Grace Anatomy

When I think about the gift of grace I am reminded of how we are given favor in situations that sometimes do not seem favorable. However, grace has the power to give us a second chance, another opportunity to recover from our mistakes. Everyone deserves a period of grace to choose a better path for their life. Grace gives us time to correct things that may have went wrong.


A woman with grace shows compassion, love and learn that forgiveness is a necessity to live a free life. When you choose to be a woman of grace you give someone else permission to be imperfect. Our imperfections shows everyone else that we are human. In reality, no one is flawless because we all have flaws but our flaws make us authentic. When you choose to be a woman who exudes grace you make others feel secure.

A woman of grace holds a certain elegance, poise and finesse in the world because she never try to be something she is not. She never judges others but embrace everyone with love and respect. When I think of women who have portrayed the statute of grace I think of Queen Elizabeth,Princess Diana and Mother Theresa. These particular women have displayed their elegance, finesses and poise to everyone that have crossed their path. 

If you are struggling with how to be a woman of grace below are a couple of tips to help you be a gracious woman and embody the anatomy of grace!

Grace Anatomy Tips

1. No Judgement Zone. Mistakes are inevitable so don’t judge other people for their downfalls.

2.  Be Kind. When you are kind to others they have no problem being kind to you. In kindness you begin to operate in the golden rule, do unto others as they would do unto you! 

3. Validation is for Parking. A woman of grace does not feel the need to explain her decisions to others because she does not feel the need to be validated in her actions. No one validation is needed because she believes in herself.

4. Confidence is sexy. When you embody confidence you attract success. A confident woman knows what she wants and what she deserves. 

5. Words are powerful. When you are able to choose your words wisely and respect the emotions of others your words will be sweet and endearing instead of words that hurt others. 

6. Choose Peace. When you are a woman of grace you always find a way to choose peace & steer away from drama. You are not a drama queen! 

7. Treasures are adored. When a woman understands she is a treasure she never feels the need to chase after people to make them recognize her worth. She knows what she brings to the table and she is never scared to eat alone.

When you exercise these 7 simple tips you will begin to embody a woman of grace. A woman of grace is a thermostat where she has the power to set the climate for her environment. So strive to be a woman of grace!

Data Dump:Mental Detox 101 (10 Lessons Learned)

I think therefore I am. ~Rene Descartes~

Recently I decided to do a 10 day mental detox, I had no idea how the journey would go but I knew my end result would be self fulfilling and rewarding. I planned to be in total solitary confinement with no music, only business related phone conversations, no TV, no social media, prayer, meditation & reading positive or inspirational literature. I learned alot about the power of self-love, self-appreciation, dumping out the negative things in my mental thought process, speaking affirmations over my life and being unapologetic about loving myself unconditionally. Below are 10 important lessons I learned about myself and about my mental capacity.

Here are 10 lessons from my mental detox 101:

1)   Dump The Data. The first day I spent time writing down all my self defeating thoughts. So I begin to pour those negative thoughts, concepts and ideas on paper. I purge myself of all the negative things I thought about my future, my goals and about myself.

2) Refresh. I decide to let the negative thoughts go the second day and I hit refresh on my brain. It was time for my computerized mentality to have a blank motherboard. It was time for new data, installing new R.A.M (Random Access To New Memory).

3) Power of Appreciation.  I realized how much I was starving the appreciation I needed to have for myself. I was constantly waiting for friends and insignificant people to appreciate me but I realize I needed to appreciate myself first. It made me realize how special my gift, talent, skill is to the world and I should not give it away for free. It helped me understand to do special things for myself by myself. Those special events & places I deserve to be the first person to experience them alone (my own personal joys). 

4) Power of Investment. If I don’t invest in my greatness how can I attract sowers to sow into my greatness. I am committed to always investing in myself for self improvement mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. No more limitations!

5) Self Love Movement: Self love is a powerful love. Until love is oozing from my pores, this self love journey will never end. Loving myself unconditionally unapologetically! 

6) Purify MeStop entertaining negative, toxic things that will easily imprint into my brain. I have to stay mentally clean!

7) Hit DeleteSome mental disruptions are insignificant to  put your  focus on, so weed out the weeds killing your seeds of growth.

8) Let It Flow. Surrounded by so much positivity helped me attract other positive forces like a magnet. When you are mentally positive, positive words flow easily. 

9) Be Fearless. There is no more room for fear I was reminded how being fearless is apart of my physical makeup. I lived in different countries by myself while stationed in the military where fear was never apart of life. I realized how being comfortable is boring, its time to live life on edge again. Adrenaline Rush!

10) Shaking It Up. Shaking up your world with “new” things provokes a change in your mind. It opens your mind to new exciting things. It will help your creativity flow. 

P.S. My mental detox is something I can not afford to do but it is something I committed to do for every month. The first three days of every month I will be in solitary mental confinement. 

So, now I challenge you to take time to do your own Data Dump!


The Power In Loving Yourself

If there is power in loving yourself then why are people doing less of it….

There is a great power in loving yourself from the crown of your head to the sole of your feet. I use to lack this gift of love because I did not believe in putting myself first. I was so use to putting everyone needs before my needs and it drained me. Once I started to love myself unconditionally I felt a sense of self worth. For so long I put my self-worth in people and my identity was stuck in the men I dated and my friends. I had an identity problem which affected my life in a great way. However, when I began to love myself my circle of friends changed and my relationship with men changed as well. I decided to love myself, started to become my own best friend and soon my road became an individual path. The road to self love can sometimes be a lonely road but you have to decide that  loving yourself is worth losing some people. I had the devastating blow of a 14 year  friendship ending over my new found self love. Do I regret the choice? No, I never regret putting my love for myself first. People will  dump all their emotional and mental trash on you as long as you allow them to do it. The road maybe lonesome but becoming your own best friend is optional. It taught me how to dig deep within to give myself what I  needed. Everything we need is planted on the inside of us, but we become busy looking for love, peace, joy, etc. in other people. God has equipped us with all the significant tools to live an abundant life. Whatever we are lacking all we have to do is seek within ourselves to pull out our full potential. Once I began to nurture my love for myself I found my joy, peace, laughter and friendship in myself. I am no longer looking for friendship because I am learning to be my own best friend. I am no longer looking for peace, love or joy because I am discovering it within myself. The journey is endless and the process is continuous to finding  the solutions inside of me yet it is the most rewarding path I have taken….There is a great rewarding power in loving yourself!

P.S. I am unapologetic for choosing me…Never apologize for loving yourself!

Letters To My Past

In order to heal sometimes you have to be willing to write a letter to your past and the people in your past. ~Stylicia~

Recently I realized the root of my anger, my temper and flying off the handle for every little thing; the root was my past hurts, scars and wounds I have not acknowledged. I also realized I had not forgiven the guy who raped me when I was 18 or the men who mentally and emotionally abused me. I have been carrying around this baggage without acknowledging it. I knew I had to bring closure to these issues instead of blocking them out of my life. I needed to also forgive female friends who treated me wrong and manipulated our friendship. My anger has been an issue for me for a long time, I would go off on  friends, family, and become very harsh. My daughter brought it to my attention that I was never happy but got angry at every little thing. I have not been at peace because there was a residue of all this junk on the inside of me. I started my journey 2 weeks ago but it took full form when September 1st, 2012 was ushered in. I am on a journey to find peace within but first I have to allow God to do a D&C to scrape out  the residue so I will not get an infection. I cannot take this load in my new place or new journey. My new life, new me and new journey begins now!

Below is a personal letter to my past & things I have bottled in my soul too long it is time to be free and open. I share this with my readers because I am no longer ashamed of my past and I can be free in order to help someone else to be free. Let’s begin……

Dear Past,
I acknowledge the wounds, scars and residue you left me to deal with so today I made a decision to face these issues. I would like to first address my issue of looking for love in all the wrong places and wanting that special guy to love me. I did not love myself so I settled for sex as a form of love but it never really satisfied me because I still felt empty. At the age of 18 years old I was raped and I never fully acknowledge it because in some way I thought it was my fault because I did not scream for him to stop. I just laid there letting the act take place because I had a fear of fighting for myself. I did not want the physical intercourse at all but fear paralyzed my words to say “NO”! Today I forgive this faceless man who I cannot remember and I would like to tell him I will not hold on to my anger and bitterness anymore. I will no longer let him steal my peace, joy, happiness and love for myself. So, I forgive him for the rape and I will move on free and happy in my life. The next thing I would like to acknowledge is the consistent mental and emotional abuse I went through with certain men in my life from my past. One man that I remember in particular who threaten my life, my daughter life and stole some personal possessions from me 7 years ago. He abused me mentally and emotionally by tearing me down, ripping my self esteem to shreds but today I forgive him because I have been holding on to this pain for too long. I forgive the abuser and wish him well. I let go of the past scars and I will now be free to live a joyful life. I forgive him for the threats, for stealing my personal possessions and wish him well in his life. I also forgive all men who have abused me in some way. I stopped playing the victim role several years ago and today I am a victor. I forgive female acquaintances who have talked behind my back, slander my character and manipulated our friendship for their own personal gain. I also forgive friends who cut off the friendship without even communicating the issue with me. I forgive them and have no anger or hurt towards them because the time they had in my life was strategic and it taught me about myself. I also want to acknowledge the pain and hurt I caused them as well. Forgiveness is a two way street and never should be thought of as one way. I know I have wounded people in my life and I pray they can forgive me for my attitude, selfishness, and anger in the past. I pray they heal from the personal scars I inflicted on them. I want to make peace and so I will walk in peace by letting my past scars go. God I thank you for gutting me out, getting to the core of my soul and scarping the residue of my past. I am no longer the insecure, unhappy, angry, bitter or selfish “Stylicia” people remember I am a new woman and I walk boldly into the woman I am on today and everyday. Past, I say goodbye to you and I am finalizing our connection. I do not regret my past because it made me the beautiful person I am today. I do not regret the people I met, the friends I had but I cannot take you Past into my future because I am made new. I will remember the memories and smile when I think of you. I appreciate you because you formed me for my future. Past hurt, pain, manipulation, low self esteem and every other negative emotion that was attached to my past I say goodbye to you. I will no longer revisit the hurtful part but smile to know it all was for a bigger purpose, a purpose greater than me. I am made anew..Behold God has done a new thing and now it has sprung forth!

For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland. Isaiah 43:19 ( New Living Translation)

A Peaceful Journey….

In this new journey I am undergoing it is requiring me to look at myself and life in a different spectrum. I have always been a person who allowed things to easily upset, frustrate or annoy me. I would find myself losing my composure enticing my emotions to jump off the deep end. However, in the last two weeks I have been taking lessons in being a calmer person. My daughter has given me great lessons in learning to embrace life on a whole new level. My daughter is only ten years old but I realize how much her presence in my life has been a gift to me. As I observe her I have found out that my daughter has a gift of tranquility. She is such a sweet, pleasant, quiet, and humorous person to be around. Her spirit has truly enlighten my life in great ways in the last two weeks. It’s funny how God uses the small things in life to get our attention in order to produce the person he want us to be. Peace is important to have because it teaches you how to be still when chaos, turmoil, anger and other emotions are present. The negative emotions we convey are like a hurricane ready to tear up our lives to destroy our peace. It is imperative to learn to not run away every time life seems to be stressful but to learn to stand and command your peace to be still. When you are always trying to escape your life then you find yourself running from things because you do not have any peace from within. Vacations are great but in life it requires us to learn how to escape chaotic situations by taking small vacations of peace. This peace journey has challenged me to see how important it is to calm down and regroup my emotions before I allow them to get the best of me. Peace is the essential key to unlock the great blessings of our lives. When you have peace from within you will learn how to enjoy the simple pleasures of life. Peace will overtake you and you will find it to be valuable throughout your life. Many people search for peace but never find it because they fail to realize where it lies. Peace lies within us all we just have to learn to connect to the source of it.

Below are simple steps you can take to receive, walk and live in your peace:

1. Get to the root: Realize that everything that needs to be dealt with has a root. Get to the root of your problem. Once the root is found then uprooting process begins….

2. Takers: Understand the cause of what have you allowed to take your peace. Peace is a free gift given by God since the beginning of time. Figure out the “taker agents” (who or what have you allowed to steal your peace)

3. Inspect That Gadget: Inspect the environment you are in and observe whether you have been the cause of your own chaotic state. Sometimes we can create our own chaos and drama so we begin to attract these same things in our environment.

4. The Source: If you do not know who is the source of your peace then no matter what journey you take you will continue to detour down an endless road. In Christianity Jesus Christ is our source of peace because he is peace. So be willing to find the source of your peace

Having peace can sustain you and keep you mentally, emotionally and physically stable in life!