Life is a constant rollercoaster where we are on fast forward but sometimes we need to put our lives on pause, rewind to the moments we constantly rush through and just slow down. Life is so precious in which we have to learn to embrace each moment because it will dissipate quickly. Life is about making each hour, minute and second count to create a life full of memorable things to look back on in years to come. I have been guilty in not cherishing the moment but rushing to get to the next day just to rush through it all over again however, this year I have been challenged to enjoy life in its present state and appreciate what each moment has to offer as well as teach me. For the last 190 days, I worked a job I did not enjoy with a person that made the job more challenging than it had to be but it taught me to never waste another day living in a moment that does not bring me joy. This job gave me the strength to reevaluate myself and my life to the capacity of investing in moments that are worth enjoying. In the real world, some moments can be painful just like the 190 days I had endured at my job however, there were moments that taught me how to let go of the bad things and create the life I love to wake up to everyday. Moments have full of lessons to go along with them even in the most uncomfortable moments. We still must strive to embrace the moment, live in it and make it a moment worth living for because life comes and goes in a flash. I have learned to capture the sweet things in bittersweet moments, hold on to the fun moments and make memorable thoughts of moments that have took my breathe away. It is funny how ugly moments teach you great lessons just like my job did for the last 190 days. I am thankful that my job ends this week as I take the time to reflect, slow down and move forward at my own pace this time. Too often, we rush because we feel rushed to be at a certain place in our life but in reality we are right where we need to be. Living in the moment is simply about not rushing out of the current moment you are in but savoring the moment. I made a vow to myself no longer to rush from moment to moment but let each moment have its place to flourish and process into something beautiful. So I challenge you this week to embrace the moment, slow down, let each moment be processed thoroughly so that maturity can have its time to spring forth. I dare you to Live In The Moment!
In order to heal sometimes you have to be willing to write a letter to your past and the people in your past. ~Stylicia~
Recently I realized the root of my anger, my temper and flying off the handle for every little thing; the root was my past hurts, scars and wounds I have not acknowledged. I also realized I had not forgiven the guy who raped me when I was 18 or the men who mentally and emotionally abused me. I have been carrying around this baggage without acknowledging it. I knew I had to bring closure to these issues instead of blocking them out of my life. I needed to also forgive female friends who treated me wrong and manipulated our friendship. My anger has been an issue for me for a long time, I would go off on friends, family, and become very harsh. My daughter brought it to my attention that I was never happy but got angry at every little thing. I have not been at peace because there was a residue of all this junk on the inside of me. I started my journey 2 weeks ago but it took full form when September 1st, 2012 was ushered in. I am on a journey to find peace within but first I have to allow God to do a D&C to scrape out the residue so I will not get an infection. I cannot take this load in my new place or new journey. My new life, new me and new journey begins now!
Below is a personal letter to my past & things I have bottled in my soul too long it is time to be free and open. I share this with my readers because I am no longer ashamed of my past and I can be free in order to help someone else to be free. Let’s begin……
I acknowledge the wounds, scars and residue you left me to deal with so today I made a decision to face these issues. I would like to first address my issue of looking for love in all the wrong places and wanting that special guy to love me. I did not love myself so I settled for sex as a form of love but it never really satisfied me because I still felt empty. At the age of 18 years old I was raped and I never fully acknowledge it because in some way I thought it was my fault because I did not scream for him to stop. I just laid there letting the act take place because I had a fear of fighting for myself. I did not want the physical intercourse at all but fear paralyzed my words to say “NO”! Today I forgive this faceless man who I cannot remember and I would like to tell him I will not hold on to my anger and bitterness anymore. I will no longer let him steal my peace, joy, happiness and love for myself. So, I forgive him for the rape and I will move on free and happy in my life. The next thing I would like to acknowledge is the consistent mental and emotional abuse I went through with certain men in my life from my past. One man that I remember in particular who threaten my life, my daughter life and stole some personal possessions from me 7 years ago. He abused me mentally and emotionally by tearing me down, ripping my self esteem to shreds but today I forgive him because I have been holding on to this pain for too long. I forgive the abuser and wish him well. I let go of the past scars and I will now be free to live a joyful life. I forgive him for the threats, for stealing my personal possessions and wish him well in his life. I also forgive all men who have abused me in some way. I stopped playing the victim role several years ago and today I am a victor. I forgive female acquaintances who have talked behind my back, slander my character and manipulated our friendship for their own personal gain. I also forgive friends who cut off the friendship without even communicating the issue with me. I forgive them and have no anger or hurt towards them because the time they had in my life was strategic and it taught me about myself. I also want to acknowledge the pain and hurt I caused them as well. Forgiveness is a two way street and never should be thought of as one way. I know I have wounded people in my life and I pray they can forgive me for my attitude, selfishness, and anger in the past. I pray they heal from the personal scars I inflicted on them. I want to make peace and so I will walk in peace by letting my past scars go. God I thank you for gutting me out, getting to the core of my soul and scarping the residue of my past. I am no longer the insecure, unhappy, angry, bitter or selfish “Stylicia” people remember I am a new woman and I walk boldly into the woman I am on today and everyday. Past, I say goodbye to you and I am finalizing our connection. I do not regret my past because it made me the beautiful person I am today. I do not regret the people I met, the friends I had but I cannot take you Past into my future because I am made new. I will remember the memories and smile when I think of you. I appreciate you because you formed me for my future. Past hurt, pain, manipulation, low self esteem and every other negative emotion that was attached to my past I say goodbye to you. I will no longer revisit the hurtful part but smile to know it all was for a bigger purpose, a purpose greater than me. I am made anew..Behold God has done a new thing and now it has sprung forth!
For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland. Isaiah 43:19 ( New Living Translation)
A month in a half has passed and I have not written on my blog…I like to be inspired that is why I named it “The Inspirational Corner”. There is inspirational behind my pen when I write because I have a habit to write from my soul! ~Stylicia
I am a movie lover and some movies leave a print on my mind and heart. I just finished watching “My Week With Marilyn” based on a true story by Colin Clark describing his magical week with Marilyn Monroe. It left a provoking thought in my head, fame can sometimes kill the most beautiful women. Marilyn Monroe had a persona that she developed in the public eye and she had to live up to her brand she created. However, people had no idea of the real person she was beyond the sex symbol image. I believe many women create a persona in the public eye but that is not who they really are on the inside.Whitney Houston was another iconic woman who people saw as a musical princess but they did not know who Whitney was behind her brand image. Whitney Houston and Marilyn Monroe both had a tragic end to their life. However, these two beautiful women were constantly everything to everyone else but no one was there to save them from their demise. As women we are built to wear many hats but sometimes we forget the woman on the inside need personal care. If we do not get that personal care then we start to develop an unhealthy relationship with our self. Marilyn and Whitney both needed to be rescued from their demanding life, feeling unpretty,incompetent, insecure and feeling like their talent was not enough. These beautiful women were icons who made a great impression on women in their lifespan. It is sad to have all the money in the world but not feel love from within. It is important as a woman we find time to retreat away from the pressures of life when we feel like we are losing who we are on the inside. Some of us are dying on the inside but smiling on the outside because we just want to be rescued. I still ponder what would of happen if Whitney Houston, Marilyn Monroe and Amy Winehouse would have been rescued from their misery. Ladies, misery loves company but it is your duty to connect back with the light.There comes a time where you have to find time to separate your roles from being a mother, wife, friend, mentor, nurturer and career woman to connect with who you are, connecting with your God given persona. I have many names but sometimes I just have a desire just to be Stylicia, the fun, crazy, edgy, goofy and unadulterated person I was created to be. However, the biggest lesson I have learned from Marilyn Monroe and Whitney Houston is no matter how many demands, titles and roles I have to play in life the most important role is being good to myself. I have to learn to be my own best friend!
Ladies take to time to retreat away, to regroup and be you, be true to the woman that needs nurturing on the inside!