Single & Not Settling…..

To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance. ~Oscar Wilde~

You can access this podcast episode here: https://youtu.be/RnfoVM_SBFo

Since the pandemic, things around us have been shaken and torn apart. Many of us are still trying to adjust to the is new normal and life in 2021. However, if you are single in this time of unusual happenings, life has forced you to deal with the reality of being single. As technology evolves, being single doesn’t have to be an option, especially with multiple dating apps at your fingertips. But why is being single deemed a bad thing?

I believe when you are single, you have space and time to get to heal your inner wounds, get to know yourself, and the freedom to explore the world. Over the years, I have learned to be comfortable with the concept of being single and redefine what it means to me. After my last relationship, I had to regain the confidence of understanding that singlehood is a choice, not a life sentence. 

I spent years of my life wasting time chasing men and not realizing I am the treasure due to my lack of self-worth and self-love. In my relationships, I was desperate to prove my worthiness to a man so he could choose me as his one and only. But as time passed, I realize I was attracting the same man with a different name because of the things I was not facing within myself.

I think it is paramount to define your own meaning of being single instead of taking on the societal stigmas of the definition of singleness. During February, I have made a tradition to celebrate the entire month with self-love, self-care, and appreciation for the love I have for myself and my daughter. I have called this yearly tradition “28 days of love”, doing this has given me a greater perspective on love and Valentine’s Day.

Now in this new skin, I am in, I embrace being single because I know it is a choice at the moment; however, it doesn’t mean this season is forever. I often feel many women settle in love, life, and everything in between because they are trying to reach a finite goal. As a single woman in her 40’s, I believe I am just getting started in life. It is restrictive to think being married, having kids, and having a white picket fence is the only goal I should strive for in life.  

Recently, I decided to reclaim my time and power on the term single. I simply define my singleness as a time of contentment, fun & exploration.

Below I am giving you five ways how to redefine your singleness and let go of the idea of settling for less than what you deserve.

  1. Date yourself first. Since you will be with yourself for the rest of your life, your single time is the best time to get to know what you like or don’t like. 
  2. Be alone, not lonely.  Embrace the idea of solitude and enjoying your own company. Being alone and loneliness are two different things. Many people are in marriages and romantic relationships and feel lonely.
  3. Stop waiting to live your life.  Now is the time to live; you don’t have to wait until you are married or in a relationship to create a life. 
  4. Stop obsessing about finding the one.  I believe women are the treasure, and it is not our job to chase or convince a man that we are worthy of being in his life. When you focus on yourself and create a life you love, you will attract love.
  5. Embrace the season you are in. Instead of wishing for a different season of your life, embrace the present moment.

Here are a couple things to help you embrace your single season: