Often in life, we will encounter difficult moments that will take us off course and knock us out of the game. However, in the low moments, you can take this time to reflect and give yourself time to process through the heartache or heartbreaks of life.
In America, we are condition to believe that it is our doing and constantly moving that keeps us going, but in our stillness, we can allow our joy to be refreshed, our minds to gain clarity, and our souls to be renewed. Recently, I realize all the difficult moments that transpired in my life this month indicated how much I needed to slow down. The fiery darts of life wounded my joy, and I know spending time to heal, process, and regain my happiness is paramount. I am giving myself permission to have self-compassion, revel in my humanness and unplug.
The greatest lesson I have learned this month is no matter how strong you are, give yourself time to process the losses, pain, and irritations of life. Moving forward doesn’t always look like being in a mindset of doing something, but laying down and processing is a part of the journey.
Below I created a couple concepts that will help you regain your peace of mind and refuel your joy for the better.
Unplug. Take time to reflect, heal & recharge from the difficult moments.
Make a joy list. Make a list of all the things that spark your joy and make you feel alive.
Be Transparent. Be real about how you feel (decipher your emotions by journaling, therapy, talking to someone close to you, etc.).
Give Yourself Time. Take it slow & don’t allow anything or anyone to rush your healing process.
What do you currently believe about yourself and who you are in this moment? Do you feel like you are lacking in some areas when it comes to your personality?
If you answered YES to any of the above questions, don’t feel ashamed, I think we all believed in the lie of not being enough. The plague of not feeling enough has haunted me throughout my life. I would constantly recycle negative self-talk, abusive words from others, and societal standards. However, as I began to uncover this faulty belief system about myself, I realize the root of it all stemmed from low self-esteem, low self-confidence, and other underlining issues.
In 2011, I went on an inner journey of self-exploration and self-discovery to confront dysfunctional beliefs about myself and my life. And what I found was a wounded young lady who needed to know that her past didn’t define her worth. It has been ten years since the journey has helped me evolve into a confident, self-assured woman where the notion of not being enough is no longer a part of my storyline.
The truth is that we all are enough in this world, and when we start believing in this idea, we can live a more fulfilled life. When you accept the idea that you lack something within, you run the risk of living a suppressed life. With a suppress mindset, we eventually generate the chase concept; you will chase people, dreams, goals, money, success, etc. to feel accepted and validated by external forces.
When you begin to know who you are and your worth, you become a threat to those who lavish in their insecurities. You must confront your insecurities every day (because it is a daily thing). And to be clear, it is okay to have insecurities because they make us imperfect and vulnerable. Insecurities become ugly when we lash out or use hurtful words against others.
Below are three ways you can say bye bye to the belief of not enough.
Let Go. Say Au revoir to anybody or anything that make you feel like you are too much.
Dig Deep. Uncover all the crazy beliefs that has hindered your self-worth story.
Heal. Allow yourself a time to heal from the past of unforgiveness (forgive yourself), trauma and anything that has kept you hostage to the lie of not being enough .
I believe we are all on a cosmic spiritual journey trying to search for life’s simple pleasures, joy, passion, and all things that will light up our soul. However, how can we embark on a journey of self-exploration if we constantly are moving further away from the life we want to live. How can we rekindle the spark that we once had about our life?
Sometimes when life throws curveballs, we are confronted with the issue of the reversal effect. The reversal effect is taking a path that isn’t aligning with our life’s dreams, goals, or vision. As we strive to break through the force field of fear, doubt, and discouragement, everything around us begins to look unfamiliar because the curveballs have pushed us into unknown territory. The unknown territory is the unexpected happenings we experience in this journey called life. And so the daunting question becomes, what can I do to get back on track? How can I find my way back?
Finding Your Kefi….
In the Greek culture, the word kefi has multiple meanings, but its translation means the spirit of joy, passion, euphoria, enthusiasm, exuberance, frenzy. When I think of kefi, it reminds me of chemical evolution theory, where simple elements (atoms) transform into complex parts to generate life. Kefi is the chemical bonding agent that helps us find the spark we once lost. It is the intricate agent that we desire to discover to bring fulfillment back to our lives. So how do we go on this voyage to find our kefi?
Embrace Rock Bottom. When life gives you lemonades, create a lemonade stand & sell your experiences. (make the best out of what you have)
Embrace Uncertainty. If you are clueless about how to find your way let the unfamiliar be your guide. (create a new normal)
Embrace Serendipity. Let life unfold organically. (let go of the need to control the outcome)
Below is the movie that inspired this post on the concept of kefi:
Over the last century, women have struggled with societal beauty standards, body image & all the things connected to our feminine archetype.
We have been brainwash to reject, loathe & neglect our feminine structures. However, in the last five years, there has been a revolutionizing of women reclaiming their power over their bodies, redefining beauty, and much more.
I think it is vital to connect with our bodies & realize that God intricately made us. We have spent enough time shaming, neglecting & hating our bodies. I believe in the power of honoring, respecting & loving all the phases our bodies go through.
Today I will discuss a couple of ways we can inject body positivity in our life & see our feminine body as a unique gift to ourselves & the world.
Below are three ways we can reclaim our feminine essence & honor our bodies in a sacred way.
Cycle Syncing. Cycle Syncing is the idea of aligning your eating, exercising, and other areas of your life with various phases of your menstrual cycle. The menstrual cycle has four phases: menstruation phase, follicular phase, ovulatory phase, and luteal phase. At each stage of your cycle calendar, your body goes through hormonal changes that affect your mood, eating, and social habits.
It is essential to see the beauty within yourself so you can appreciate your external beauty. (Make a list of the things you love about your personality & your favorite physical attributes)
Celebrate your beauty by realizing your unique features are a gift to the world. (There is only one you and that is your superpower.)
Figure out your body type so you can learn how to adorn your figure with the right clothes.
Style: Once you understand your body type you can start to shop for clothes that accentuate your body.
Define Your Style: Think of three words that define your style now (just remember as you grow your style will change so don’t be scared to change your style words). Ex: My style words right now are ease, effortless & elegance
Recently, I had to confront the idea of letting go of my old life to move forward to create a new life. When I look at the life I am currently living; I realize I am residing in a dream I have outgrown. A couple of years ago, I declared what I wanted and how I wanted to live without realizing that I am living my dream now.
Sometimes it is hard to let go of our old dreams because we have become stuck in a comfort zone. I have learned there is nothing extraordinary that grows within a comfort zone. Comfort zones are where fear, stagnancy, and unfulfillment reside because we begin to let the doubts infiltrate our minds like fungus on bread crust. And when the fungus starts to spread, it creates an infection.
As we voyage through life, we should constantly challenge ourselves to set new goals and dream new dreams. When we create new standards for our lives, we are daring to dream big, go higher and not settle for what appears to be comforting. Like I mentioned before, comfort zones are great, but nothing phenomenal will grow there.
To live a daring, phenomenal, and iconic life, you have to be willing to dream bigger and evolve higher. What old dream, old life are you ready to let go to create a new vision for your life?
Below are three concepts to help you develop your new vision for your life.
Make Peace With The Past. We often don’t want to move forward because we think our past or things in the past are better for us. But when you realize that your present and future life have more incredible moments, you will bide the past farewell.
Break up with your fears. Don’t allow your fears to stop you from living an extraordinary life.
Write down a new vision. Writing your dreams, ideas, or goals in a journal is a great way to hold yourself accountable to produce your extraordinary life.
After you have put one of these concepts in motion, I believe it will motivate you to dream bigger, raise the bar and never settle for a life that doesn’t set your soul on fire.
Once upon a time, we lived in a world filled with hobbies that gave us enjoyment and pleasure. But as life began to shift, we became consumed with the grind and social media, turning every possible thing into a business or side hustle.
And in this world of Instagram, Tik Tok, and every other social media platform (where in reality it has taken us away from social connection), we find that we are not enjoying hobbies, but we are constantly promoting the next business venture. So I ask you, what happens to the simplicity, ease, and the delight of doing things because they bring us joy?
Today, I knew I needed to make a list of my hobbies because I believe my hobbies and business ventures have merged. In the merge, I have found the repugnant stem of burn-out, exhaustion, and tiredness. I know it is time for me to let go of burn-out and embrace the joy of having hobbies for pure pleasure.
It is important to have hobbies because they give us time to refresh, rejuvenate and recalibrate our mind, body, and spirit. When we are in a hustle mindset, grind and promoting every business venture, we hit a wall of stagnancy.
Stagnancy creates staleness because there is no movement for growth or exploration. As human beings, we expand, flow, and grow every day of our lives; however, if we are entertaining the hustle all day, where can we begin to institute the power of play?
I have found the answer, and it is simply letting go of the idea that every skill, talent, or passion has to be a business. So, below are a couple of ways you can define your hobbies and reconnect to the power of fun and enjoyment.
Make a list of your hobbies. (If it does not bring you pleasure or enjoyment, do not put it on your list).
Make a list of your business ventures or businesses you want to create. ( If it does not make you feel excited or purposeful, do not put it on the list).
Pick one hobby you can incorporate into your life on a daily or weekly basis. (When you began to add your pleasures into your weekly routine, it will stimulate your creativity or creative juices.)
Since the pandemic, things around us have been shaken and torn apart. Many of us are still trying to adjust to the is new normal and life in 2021. However, if you are single in this time of unusual happenings, life has forced you to deal with the reality of being single. As technology evolves, being single doesn’t have to be an option, especially with multiple dating apps at your fingertips. But why is being single deemed a bad thing?
I believe when you are single, you have space and time to get to heal your inner wounds, get to know yourself, and the freedom to explore the world. Over the years, I have learned to be comfortable with the concept of being single and redefine what it means to me. After my last relationship, I had to regain the confidence of understanding that singlehood is a choice, not a life sentence.
I spent years of my life wasting time chasing men and not realizing I am the treasure due to my lack of self-worth and self-love. In my relationships, I was desperate to prove my worthiness to a man so he could choose me as his one and only. But as time passed, I realize I was attracting the same man with a different name because of the things I was not facing within myself.
I think it is paramount to define your own meaning of being single instead of taking on the societal stigmas of the definition of singleness. During February, I have made a tradition to celebrate the entire month with self-love, self-care, and appreciation for the love I have for myself and my daughter. I have called this yearly tradition “28 days of love”, doing this has given me a greater perspective on love and Valentine’s Day.
Now in this new skin, I am in, I embrace being single because I know it is a choice at the moment; however, it doesn’t mean this season is forever. I often feel many women settle in love, life, and everything in between because they are trying to reach a finite goal. As a single woman in her 40’s, I believe I am just getting started in life. It is restrictive to think being married, having kids, and having a white picket fence is the only goal I should strive for in life.
Recently, I decided to reclaim my time and power on the term single. I simply define my singleness as a time of contentment, fun & exploration.
Below I am giving you five ways how to redefine your singleness and let go of the idea of settling for less than what you deserve.
Date yourself first. Since you will be with yourself for the rest of your life, your single time is the best time to get to know what you like or don’t like.
Be alone, not lonely. Embrace the idea of solitude and enjoying your own company. Being alone and loneliness are two different things. Many people are in marriages and romantic relationships and feel lonely.
Stop waiting to live your life. Now is the time to live; you don’t have to wait until you are married or in a relationship to create a life.
Stop obsessing about finding the one. I believe women are the treasure, and it is not our job to chase or convince a man that we are worthy of being in his life. When you focus on yourself and create a life you love, you will attract love.
Embrace the season you are in. Instead of wishing for a different season of your life, embrace the present moment.
Here are a couple things to help you embrace your single season:
Definition: Self-care can best be described as the intentional actions that are taken to preserve your mental, emotional and physical well-being.
Self-care is an essential part of your well-being. It plays a valuable role in your mental, emotional & physical health. When you make an intentional effort to preserve your mental, emotional and physical care then it produces healthy results in other areas of your life. When you decide to put your well-being first, it can clarify what stressors affect your mind, body, soul & spirit.
In my self-care journey, I learn how to cope with stress, anxiety & anger. Creating an individual self-care plan has given me a peace of mind during difficult times. When you begin to make yourself a priority, things in your life will shift. No longer will you feel neglected, tired, burnout or unappreciated. Overall, it is a personal responsibility to take care of your well-being. When you try to delegate this responsibility to others, then disappointment and frustration will be a continuous result.
Below I am going to give you guidance on how to bring your self-care plan together.
First Step: In a journal/poster board list all categories for your plan starting with mental, emotional & physical as top categories.
Second Step: The categories will range from 6-8 depending on what specific areas are important to you.
For example your categories may be as follows:
Third Step: Once you have listed all your categories then it is time to list your coping strategies. I suggest listing 3 to 5 coping strategies for each category so you will not overwhelm yourself
For example under my mental self-care I would put meditation, prayer, reading inspirational quotes/books etc.
Physical: walking, being in nature, healthy routine for eating/medical checkups
Once you have finished listing three to five coping strategies, you are done with your self-care plan. You can always add more coping strategies later, but sticking with three to five will help you implement one or two each day during the week. Once you implement a strategy consistently, you will see a change in your life.
In this new age of promoting self-love, self-care, and self-confidence, many people are clueless about beginning the journey. If they have encountered experiences in their past dealing with mental, emotional, verbal, or physical trauma, then starting a self-care process can be challenging.
In 2015 I was introduced to the concept of self-care. However, I only had a surface-level understanding of this word. As years began to pass, I began to dig deeper into the self-care phenom. My self-care journey was triggered by the loss of my two-year-old daughter. For several years, I was going through so many mental transitions I had no idea what I was dealing with until later on.
After seeking answers concerning my mental health, I was confronted with the idea of suffering from PTSD, GAD (generalized anxiety disorder), mood swings, and anger issues. When I was able to come to the realization of how I internalize my trauma, this is when I knew it was time to go deeper into my self-care journey.
The first step was to come to terms with how my mental health affected every area of my life. I knew it was time to create a self-care plan that reached beyond bubble baths, manicures, pedicures, and shopping. My self-care path began by attacking the deep-rooted mental issues.
In 2015, I began to create a self-care plan that has evolved over time. Now I know that my mental, emotional, spiritual, physical, social/relational, and financial self-care is a top priority.
Below I am going to list ways you can start establishing a self-care plan for yourself.
Acknowledge the past traumatic experiences. When you go deeper to identify the experiences in your past that have an effect on your adulthood, then you can gain clarity on where to begin.
Define what self-care means to you. We all define things differently according to our personal life experiences. Spend time to assess what does self-care mean to you.
Create a self-care plan. Once you collect the details of what your self-care looks like, you can establish a self-care plan.
*In this blog and podcast series, I will be writing about starting your mental, emotional and spiritual self-care plan.*
The new year is here, and we all have so many things we want to accomplish; however, 2021 is a year for me to go all-in on what I desire. I often found myself giving one hundred and ten percent to my family, friends, romantic relationships, and career. Yet, I was always short-changing myself when it came to my life aspirations.
I would spend a lot of time doubting my efforts to succeed and found excuses for not living the life I wanted to live. I distracted myself with helping other people accomplish their dreams while I kept putting my life on hold. Overall, I became dissatisfied with the results in my life. And I realize I had to stop sitting on the sidelines wishing things would be different and get the gumption to create the life I believe I deserve.
After 2020 I realize how important it is to take intentional steps to design a life I enjoy. We spend so much of our time making others happy, but we don’t invest the same effort in our happiness. Your life’s joy and fulfillment should always be a priority.
So I decided that this new year is the start of me going all-in and believing in my potential to produce the extraordinary life I was meant to live. When you invest in yourself, the rate of return will always yield success.
Below are three ways you can bet on yourself and increase your self-worth:
Say yes to yourself. Saying yes to yourself is having the courage to design a life that makes you feel good and purposeful (finding purpose in the life you are creating).
Let go of split energy. When you are spreading yourself thin, you produce split energy meaning your actions and words are not congruent. When you commit yourself to everyone else dreams, you self-sabotage your efforts to invest in your own life desires.
Slow Down. When you take a moment to slow down and pace yourself you can get clarity on what direction you want to go. (slow and steady wins the race…..lesson from The Tortoise and The Hare an Aesop Fable)