The essential thing I have learned in my life is when a person is insecure, they will use words of discouragement to tear down your confidence. When I wasn’t aware of my dopeness, I would minimize my greatness to make others feel more important, but deep inside, I was suffering. My suffering led to people-pleasing, self-sabotage, and not feeling worthy or enough.
When I began to cultivate self-worth, let go of self-sabotaging behaviors and flow into a self-confident version of myself, others became threatened. I was no longer dimming my light for them to feel better about themselves. I decided to love myself, face my inner issues and let go of my insecurities.
However, I believe we all have to face the ugly mask of insecurity in our lives, but when these inner issues are unchecked, it creates self-misery. I have learned over the last year that insecure women are fixated on being accepted and validated by others. Their greatest fear is not being liked, so they migrate to the people-pleasing lane, and when another woman radiates confidence, she will spew words of hate to disempower another woman.
Although friendships have withered away, I understand that losing myself is no longer an option. Trusting your dopeness means walking in your confidence and being unapologetic about who you are.
Here are a couple ways you can embrace being “that girl” and exercise your dopeness.
Be Authentic: Know who you are, walk in your power and maximize your voice.
Be Unapologetic: God created you to be the best verison of yourself even when others don’t embrace you.
Be Around People Who Want To See You Win: When you are around people who want to see you win then, the conversations are different. Make sure you let go of toxic connections in your life (heal from toxicity).
Before you can understand how beautiful, complex and intricate you are first you have to break open all those lies you have believed about yourself.
When was the last time you believed positive things about yourself and had someone affirm those positive things?
Lately, I have been reflecting on the painful words people spoke about me. And the saddest part is I started to believe the lies about how other people saw me. I began to see myself in the image of others’ opinions, manipulative comments, and misconceptions.
However, I realized it was generating self-hate. I began to believe that I was not enough or not worthy of good things. I was starting to settle for friendships, relationships, and living a life beneath my standards.
Recently, I had an epiphany about how I was not seeing myself in a clear light, the way God saw me, and the person I am. I knew it was time to let go of the lies, toxic thoughts, and self-hate. Before starting this royal process, I knew digging up unhealthy beliefs was the first step to seeing my royal image.
Before starting your royal journey, here are a few things to start your process.
Write a list of ten negative things people have said about you and circle all the ones you start to believe about yourself.
Now make a list of ten good things you think about yourself.
Ask this question: Are the adverse/toxic people still in your life who said negative things? If so, then why are they in your life? (journal your answer)
Another question: How can you disconnect from people who make you feel bad about yourself? (journal your answer)
Ways you can rebuild your self-confidence/self-esteem & self-image:
Personal Development (books, find supportive communities, join memberships/clubs that foster your enjoyment & passions)